This Is Not Goodbye

There has been a lot going through my head lately. I have been working extremely hard tying up loose ends before I must report. The other day I saw my name on the Bureau of Prisons website and it was a cold reminder of what I am facing and what I am going to be losing. I am facing a new world that is very unknown to me. One that I am not in control of or have any say in the care of myself.  A place where there are people with extremely different backgrounds from me. I hear those in charge are very smug and don’t care. I guess if I was locked up all day every day like them, I might have a bad attitude as well. I have found out that I will be designated to Coleman Low Prison in Sumterville, Florida. I am not too happy with this designation because of its distance from my family. Losing my freedom bothers me. I have always been a leader and I know it is going to be hard for me to submit myself to others.  Is this a test? If so, I am confident God will see me through. I am going in with the mindset to be respectable and keep to myself. I have learned so much speaking to my consultants, White Collar Advice. I feel they have prepared me as best as they could. I am going to miss my family most of all. I dread feeling alone. A little secret about me is that I don’t even like eating by myself. The ability to pursue my passions and hobbies is something that I will miss when I go to prison. The little things come to my mind like watching Sportscenter or looking up sports statistics. Recreational activities are often limited and restricted in prison, which could ultimately affect my sense of purpose and fulfillment. I hear the food is also lacking in two categories quantity and quality. I guess it’s good I need to lose weight anyway. I am going to miss picking up the phone and calling my cousin, Jon. He has become the brother I never had. I really love him a lot. Moreover, I am going to miss speaking to my wife. She is my rock. She is everything to me. I don’t see myself going through life without her.

As I write, I will be outlining things I have learned, and I will be answering the questions you may have. I hope you subscribed to this blog because it will not be posted anymore on Facebook. Amy is going to post on my behalf while I am incarcerated. I have already created a release plan I intend to refine it as I work toward being free. It outlines how I have learned from my mistakes and moreover, my plan to reestablish myself in society. I also hope to teach while I am there. Maybe I can help those that may not have been as fortunate as I gain knowledge and prepare for a future when they are released. This may include helping with the GED program or maybe teaching some entrepreneurship classes. I am open to any avenue I might use my education and experience. I want to be productive and to be seen as a role model for others.  Going to prison means I will be sacrificing some of the essential aspects of life. I believe acknowledging what I will miss may help me understand the challenges I will face and possibly find ways to cope with them. I encourage you to write to me and sign up for Corrlink’s email. I would love to stay in touch. God Bless you and your family. I love you.