Our problem center is in our mind. We tell ourselves things that sometimes just aren’t true. Other times we tend to beat our chest and think we are the bomb. When I was drinking, I had the Jekyll and Hyde complex. Why would I want to drink to only be mean to those I loved? Or do things that I knew concisely were not right. Why would I jeopardize my job? When I stopped drinking, I realized my behavior must change. We all have things that hold us down to keep from living a fulfilling life. I knew when I hit bottom my life had to change. I couldn’t drink anymore especially after being diagnosed with bipolar. I was alienating everyone around me who really mattered. Funny the way life turns. Those people I used to hang around with quickly stopped hanging with me when I stopped drinking and changing my life with God. But those I loved were there with open arms even if I didn’t earn their presence. I am grateful for my life. I have been knocked down and to be honest, I laid there, but God has rejuvenated my life to have meaning. It’s not how high I climbed the corporate ladder or who I was hanging with matters anymore. The humility has dampened my self-righteousness and pride and given me a return to sanity. A place now exists in my heart that wants me to be a better person. I see it in the little things in my life. It may sound crazy, but I try now to even put the shopping carts back in their proper resting place. I can remember having the audacity to just leave the buggy anywhere. Thinking I just did the grocery store a favor by buying groceries they can come get their own buggy. This is just malicious and the wrong way to think of a simple task. Was I better than everyone else? In my mind, I thought I was and didn’t have to follow the unwritten rules.
With me awaiting sentencing, I have very limited options for work. I have a consulting business where I help businesses with an assortment of things. But the lack of constant contact with people has been a severe strain on my psyche. So, I have started a new pressure washing business. I can work for people and communicate and deliver great service. I have been blessed with a great customer. I have been working for a property management group that rents homes in the 30A, Santa Rosa, and Rosemary Beach areas. These multimillion-dollar homes are so beautiful. As I work, I am given the opportunity to reflect and think about my future. My future scares me because there are still so many unknowns. I have no idea what it encompasses. Moreover, I am scared for my wife and children if I become incarcerated. Who is going to look out for her? Economically will she be, ok? How will people treat her if I am incarcerated? My wife means the world to me, and her well-being is at the top of my list. Maintaining my spiritual condition has been the only way I have been able to cope. I feel we must work on our spiritual condition every day by praying and meditation. This is the single most important way for me to improve my concise contact with God. The new venture gives me the time I need to do this. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to breathe the air of joy, happiness, and wisdom.
I used to think I was the center of my world. When I was young, I owned my own business and everyone did it my way because they were scared to stand up to me. My business was successful, but not as much as it could be. I saw my mistakes in that and other things in my life and found out that my life could be better being a servant rather than a boss.
I put my wife as CEO of our company and started treating my clients like partners, not customers, and one by one all my competitors couldn’t keep up and left town.
Today I have the best business of my type in this whole big area, I have the best marriage I could have and I found that the more I listened to other people the more I was listened to. The more I gave to others, the more they gave to me.
Along the way, I had to cut people from my life that didn’t live that kind of life. Some were hard to let go of, and some were easy, but when you surround yourself with positive people who are grateful to have me in their lives as I am them, everything seems to become easier, better, and more fulfilling.
An old friend of mine I used to go to for long talks, advice and insight once told me, “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” Thank God I learned to grow as a person. Watching your journey is a blessing to me. I have always thought of you as a friend for a long time and still do. But now I think of you as a brother, a fellow traveler walking through life trying to grow, trying to better the lives of those you come in contact with while you better your own.
Your blog inspires me. I hope it does others.
Great thoughts brother. Truth be told, we all think more highly of ourselves and behave self righteously at times. Your honesty and humbleness are testimony of a life that is changed. We are still praying for you and whatever lies ahead.